Goodnight, Sweetheart, GoodBye
by Never Ending Illusions
Summary: TWOSHOT, Always There oneshot included. Zaru's dying and Raph is torn up about it, but with her until the end.
1. Goodnight, Sweetheart, Goodbye

Goodnight, Sweetheart, Good...bye

Rating: K+

Summary: ONESHOT. Zaru's dying from battle wounds and Raphael's torn up about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT. Although I wish I did own Raphael. (growl) But I do own Zaru. I also don't own the words of a song that is partially sang in this. Don't remember who sang it, but it's in my heart. I also switched a few words around in the song to make it a response song as well.

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Blood was dripping from the sword wound Zaru received in the middle of her upper body, crimson just cascading from it and flowing like a small river to her sides and spreading across the concrete floor she lay upon. She was still alive, but with so much loss of blood, she was beginning to feel faint, knowing her death was near.

Nobody noticed Zaru was missing in battle until Michelangelo whirled around wondering where she was. She was behind him earlier fending off Foot Soldiers but now it seemed as though she just disappeared.

"Where's Zaru?!" Michelangelo called out.

Raphael was the first one to take the call and, kicking a Foot soldier in the gut and slashing at another with his sais, he ran toward Michelangelo to begin his search for her.

"Zaru!"

He desperately moved around, wound up so badly trying to find her. He didn't know what to do. All he could think of was finding her and it was sending him in a panic.

"Zaru?" He kept calling, the sounds of battle getting fainter and fainter until it was nothing but a faint cry like a gentle breeze whistling in the trees. "Zaru, babe?" Finally, he sniffed, smelling blood. _Dammit!_ He ran to the scent of the blood where it was strongest and knew right away whose it was. "Zaru..."

Zaru coughed, but smiled when she saw Raphael standing in front of her eyesight.

"Raph..." She whispered.

The red bandana wearing turtle fell to his knees down next to her, eyes beginning to mist.

"Hey, baby." He whispered. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and continued to smile small. "Yeah. I'm...(cough)...okay."

Looking, he saw a plastic covering for the crates and snatched it up, scrunching it together to act like a pillow for her head. He leaned down next to her, looking into her eyes. "How ya holdin' up, babe?"

"I'm fine, Raphael."

He shook his head. "No! Ya ain't fine! Look atcha! All this blood...Oh, babe...What can I do for ya?" He grabbed her left hand and placed it on the wound, helping her to press on it. "That should help slow the bleeding, babe, right?"

She shook her head. "Raph..."

"I-I-It should s-stop the bleeding, babe! I know it will! Then I can get you outta here after we the beat the hell outta these foot soldiers and treat you in the infirmary. Okay, babe? How does that sound?"

"Raph-"

"No, babe! No! Don't! Don't say anything! I know you're gonna say it's too late! No, I don't wanna hear it, babe! I just...I can't hear that from you." Tears were beginning to fall down his cheeks. "Babe, I need you." He whispered.

Zaru nodded. "I know, honey, but I'm sorry. I think I've already lost..." She closed her eyes. "Just...sit here with me."

He nodded. "Forever, babe." He whispered.

Just only moments later, Donatello, Michelangelo and Leonardo were surrounding Raphael and Zaru, who was still awake, but her eyes becoming droopy.

"Donnie, I'm feeling dizzy." Zaru said slowly.

Donatello leaned on the other side of her and removed her hand that was covered with crimson blood from the wound. He could see through the shirt how deep it was. It was too late. He knew she knew it. Too much blood was already lost. If they had gotten her out of there earlier, she would have stood a chance with a blood transfusion, but it was too late. Several pints had already dismissed themselves from the demon slayer's body. She could no longer hold out. It was just too late.

"Donnie, what can ya do for her?" Raphael asked, still holding her hand and staring over at his brother in purple.

Donatello just sighed. "I'm sorry, Raph, but she's already lost too much blood."

"A transfusion -"

"-would be sufficient if she was taken to the infirmary or hospital earlier as soon as it happened, but no. I'm sorry, Raph."

He shook his head, snarling, eyes shut tightly. He made a fist and slammed it into the ground cracking the concrete. Bits and pieces flew and dust circled his fist.

"Raph..." Leonardo began.

"Don't, Leo! Don't."

Zaru winced in pain, but knew it would only last for another moment or so. Soon she would be at peace and be able to continue watching over her boyfriend.

"Raph..."

"Yeah, babe?"

"Sing to me."

Raphael looked around at his brothers who continued to stare either at him and Zaru or elsewhere. But he shouldn't care. If his girl wanted him to sing to her, he'd sing.

"Which song, babe?"

"The one you sing to me everynight before you leave or I leave..." She got out before coughing again, this time more violently.

"Babe..."

"Please, Raph?"

The sai-wielding turtle sighed and nodded his head. "Yeah, babe. I'll sing it...just for you."

She smiled. "That's my honey. A big man who's not afraid to take a risk in front of his family even if it is out of character." She chuckled lightly, but coughed again.

"Don't speak so much, babe. You'll just keep coughing if you do."

She nodded. "All right."

Raphael made himself more comfortable next to his girl and leaned as close as he could to her, taking her hand in both of his.

"_Goodnight, sweetheart, well it's time to go. Goodnight, sweetheart, well it's time to go. I hate to leave you, but I really must say, goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight."_

Tears poured even more down his cheeks and everybody else's as well. Then they all heard a sweet voice sing out, choked but clear.

"_Goodnight, sweetheart, I don't want you to go. Goodnight, sweetheart, I don't want you to go. I know you have to, so I will just say. Goodnight, sweetheart, good..."A pause. "...bye." _The last part of the song was whispered and ended abruptly as Zaru had closed her eyes, her head rolling to the right.

Raphael immediately broke out. He fell on top of Zaru's body, crying his eyes out for a moment or so until wiping them away.

"Raph?" Leonardo asked, but Raphael motioned with his hand for him to shut up. "I'm sorry." He whispered and lowered his head to the ground trying not to shed tears.

MIchelangelo was wiping his eyes as well. Donatello just stood there staring at Zaru's body. _If only..._

His hands balled into fists and next thing the brothers knew, crates were flying every, dust swirling up into the air, the wind carrying it all around. The sounds were echoing throughout the entire warehouse . They knew it was noisy, but they would not stop their brother until he had calmed down. Finally, after what seemed like several hours, Raphael fell to his knees, holding his face in his hands crying again. _Oh, babe, why'd you die? I need you! I can't go on like this! _ His tears continued. _I love you, babe. Always. _

Before Raphael stood up, he heard a faint voice whispering in his ear. _Goodnight, sweetheart, goodnight..._

THE END

A/n: I really hope you liked this oneshot everybody. It took me awhile to actually get this short oneshot done because I kept crying. So let me know what you think

Ja ne

Zaru-san


	2. Always There Oneshot

Always There

by Zaru-san

Summary: ONESHOT Companion to Goodnight, Sweetheart, Goodbye. After Zaru's death, Leonardo helps comfort Raphael. For BubblyShell.

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT. They belong to Peter Laird and Kevin Eastman. I own Zaru, of course.

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He could still hear her sweet voice singing one last time as he sat beside her until her last breath. Raphael kept that memory along with many others within his mind; the first kiss, the first time they said 'I love you' to one another, the first time they made love, their first argument. He remembered many of their firsts together and their lasts. By keeping memories of her, it was the only way he could keep himself from going insane with rage, anger, sadness and vengeance for her death. It was his way of dealing with loss.

Raphael sat alone on the couch in the lair, a bottle of beer in one hand resting in his lap and the other hanging on the back of the couch. It was all quiet as his brothers and master was sleeping. He was the only one wide awake, wondering what to do now that Zaru was gone from his world.

As he took another swig of the beer, he felt another presence in the lair standing right in front of him. He squinted through slanted and somewhat blurry eyes -from crying - and saw that it was Leonardo, standing there, head tilted down and arms at his sides.

"Ya just gonna stand there, Leo, and stare at me or are ya gonna sit down?" He took another sip of the beer and waited for his brother in blue to answer.

Leonardo sighed. _He's getting drunk again. That's not a good sign. Not a good sign at all. _Leonardo moved from his standing position and sat down on the other end of the couch, toward the edge, hands hanging from the inside of his lap toward the floor. His head hung there as well.

"Raph, I'm sorry that Zaru died. But there was nothing we could do about it. She was gonna die anyways. Donnie couldn't ha-" But he was interrupted.

"He could've saved her, Leo! He could've saved her! We had the Battle Shell! We could have made it all the way back to the lair or the hospital! She could've been saved!"

"No, Raph. She couldn't have been saved. She already lost huge amounts of blood before we even found her. There was no way she would have survived anything!"

Raphael finished the rest of the beer in one gulp and threw the bottle to the ground, shattering into several tiny pieces. "No, Leo! Dammit! Why the hell won't you listen?!"

"Because there's nothing to listen to Raph! Absolutely nothing!" He stood up the same time as Raphael did. "Donnie checked her out! It was too late! And you know it, Raphael! You know it!"

Raphael balled his hands into fists wanting to punch the daylights out of something or _someone_ and fast. _How dare he say that to me! She was the best thing that ever happened to me and he's being an ass!_

"Shut up, Leo!"

"No, Raph! You're gonna listen to me right now! Zaru was an excellent warrior. One of the best I've ever seen. She kept up with us and even rose above us with her skills and strength! A most perfect ally that fell in love...with you. Of all people in this world, she chose you! I don't know why. I don't know how, but somehow she saw something in you that none of us did. And she brought out the best in you, Raph. The _best._ I never thought anybody could make you do that. But she did." He could see tears welling up in Raphael's eyes and set a hand upon his shoulder. "Raph, I know how much it hurts to lose somebody to death. Remember, Cameron? I was in love with her, but I never knew how she felt about me until the end of her life when she died of heart disease. And I wasn't there to say goodbye. You got to say goodbye. I didn't." His own tears were now beginning to fall.

Raphael began to clench and unclench his fists. What could he do now? His brother was right. He lost somebody he loved so he knew how he felt.

"Leo, I just..." The tears fell. "I want her back, Leo! Dammit! I just fucking want her back here! WIth me! To hold her! To be with her! Damn it all in hell! I didn't want to let her go!" Raphael fell to his knees as he buried his face in the couch cushion. Leonardo sat down next to him, patting his shell.

"I know, Raphael. But she's gone and she can never come back." Sobs became loud. "But...she's always here with us, Raph. In here." He put his hand over Raphael's heart and he covered Leonardo's hand with his own.

"I love her too much." He whispered.

"You can always love her. And move on with your life."

"I don't know if I can, Leo. She _was..._no _is_ my life. If she's gone, I don't know what to do anymore."

"Live. She would want you to live, Raph. Not to put yourself through a slump with alcohol and get drunk hoping to numb the pain away. It doesn't work that way."

Raphael looked at Leonardo, nodding. "But, Leo, what can I do with my life now? What if I can't let go?"

Leonardo sighed unhappily. He had known that one day Zaru would be gone from them, but not so soon and in such a painful way. He didn't even have the heart to continue telling Raphael that if he pursued a relationship with her, there would only be heartache between them, but he kept his mouth shut. _I better give this to him right now. _The twin-katana wielding ninja stood up and reached into his belt pulling out a small white envelope. He held it out for Raphael to see.

Raphael looked up wiping the tears from his eyes, staring at the envelope. "What's this?"

"It's from Zaru. She wrote it to you a couple days before she died and asked me to keep it for her to give to you just in case she _did_ die. Here." Raphael took the envelope from Leonardo and stood up.

"Maybe you oughta read it in private. There might be things in there that are definitely just meant for you."

"No, Leo. I want you to stay when I read it. Please, bro?"

Leonardo thought it over and nodded. "All right. I'll stay."

Rapahel nodded and sat down on the couch, Leonardo sitting down as well, but on the other end yet again.

He stared at the letter that was concealed in the envelope and more tears erupted, sending him into sobbing fits. Tears streaked the paper blurrying some of the lettering. Leonardo closed his eyes as well. _She must have written something either harsh in there or just really sad. _He reached over and asked Raphael if he could take a look. The red turtle nodded and handed him the letter. Leonardo began to read quietly.

"Read it out loud, Leo, please?"

"Sure, Raph."

Making himself comfortable, he began to read, but soon Zaru's own voice seemed to voice it over in Raphael's mind.

_May 28._

_Hey, Red Boy! How's my favorite ninja doin'? Good, I'm hoping. I'm grumpy and bitchy as usual because I have been lacking sleep due to the many arguments and spars we've been having with one another making me rather exhausted. Heh. ^^; But anyways, I am writing this letter not because I have to, but because I want to. Maybe it's both. Not really sure about that. But all that aside..._

_Listen, Raph, when I first met you, I told you that the percentage of us getting into a relationship was really close to zero. You knew it, too. But somehow, with every coming day and night, it seemed to head higher and higher, reaching into the masses of space, maybe other universes. Of course there was the teasings and physical touches that were plotted around as playful, but soon became more....intimate. Which intimate is something I never thought to have. With anybody. _

_You also knew the stakes were pretty high and the consequences would be harsh if you wanted to be in a relationship with me. I considered your feelings which is why I didn't want to _be_ in a relationship with you, but somehow it seemed to escalate and we began to feel for one another. Finally, after everything, we did get together. It was a relationship beyond anything I've ever had before. Never had a real boyfriend before either so it was pretty strange and exciting all at the same time. _

_I loved everything we did with one another; the sparring sessions, the kisses, the dates, the fights, the arguments, the battles, the wars, everything. Hell, you were even jealous when I was hanging out with a few guy friends I met here in New York. But there was no reason for that because it was you I loved and nobody else. _

_Baby, I know this may not really come as a surprise that because you are reading this right now, I most definitely am dead. Figures. *huge sigh* I told you a relationship with me could get you hurt or killed, but instead I got killed and you are the one who is probably hurting right now. _

_Raphael, things might seem hard now since I'm gone, but don't fret about anything, okay? I'm good. I'm fine. I'm somewhere happy, although I wish I was there with you because that is where I am happiest. I lived my life to the fullest it could get to because I am a ninja demon slayer, Raphael, remember? Although, it makes me wonder how I would die. By a demon, a human or hell maybe even something worse like a Foot Soldier or the Shredder. Oh, dammit! The pen's running out of ink. Hold on. _

_Okay, I'm back. I'm going to have to end this right now, Raph, because, well, at this very moment while I'm writing to you, I'm waiting for you to arrive at my house to have a little one on one if you know what I mean. (laugh) Oh, sweetheart, I love you. I hope that you can move on without me, babe, since I'm no longer there with you. Be the brave ninja I know you are and I'll be back with you one day or another. Besides, I am still with you, Raph, in your heart. Don't forget it. And don't forget me. Move on. Live life to the fullest and be happy. No more tears. No more fears. No more anger. No more sadness. I love you, baby. Always. See ya around, Red boy! I'll always be in your heart. I'll keep watching over you and your brothers and Master Splinter, always. (wink)_

_Sayanora, koi ^^_

_Zaru_

Leonardo set the letter down in his lap and stared over at Raphael who was staring ahead of him, hands holding up his chin.

"Raph?"

"Yeah, Leo?"

"You okay?"

Raphael nodded. "I'm fine now. Now that I know what she wants from me, I can move on." He looked over at his brother. "Thanks, Leo. For everything."

Leonardo stood up and leaned down to hug Raphael who accepted the hug.

"You're welcome, Raph." He let go. "And remember, if you ever feel like talking, you know, about anything at all, even Zaru, let me know. I'm always there for you whenever you need me."

Raphael took the letter from Leonardo and nodded. "I know, bro. And she's always gonna be there for me."

"You gonna be okay now?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna head to bed. Night, Leo."

"Night, Raph."

Leonardo headed out and up to his room.

Raphael sat still, breathing in the stillness of the lair. It was so quiet and cold. He shivered as he felt the coldness finally. But suddenly a warmth spread over him, and a hot feeling spread about his lips. He smiled and kissed the air.

He smirked. "I love you, too, baby." He whispered to nothing.

THE END

A/n: Did you like it? I did! ^_^


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